Ranking Tory politicians by how fun we think they would be on a night out

Politicians are people too, you know. And like all people, they need to - on occasion - unwind from a long day at work, put on their glad rags and get steaming drunk at a club.

This is exactly what appears to have happened at the biggest party of the year - no not Glastonbury - but the, er, Conservative Party conference (woo!) and as such we have been bombarded with photos and videos of Tories singing and dancing with reckless abandon, much to the amusement of smirking witnesses.

With all these videos, we got to imagining what it would be like to join them on the dance floor, and whether we’d have any fun.

So, here are the jiving Tory politicians we would most like to have a night on the tiles with - if we had to - ranked from top to bottom.

1. Tom Tugendhat

After hitting headlines for delivering an emotional speech about the situation in Afghanistan earlier in the summer, Tugendhat has secured his slot as the Tory MP we think could be the best of a bad bunch by taking senior politician Michael Gove for a spin last night:

This could have been calculated political brownnosing to suck up to a senior, or indeed Tugendhat’s attempt to piggyback on all the attention Gove gets when he busts a move, but more likely, the MP was having a laugh and fair play to him.

2. Michael Gove

Of course, then, we can’t ignore Gove - a key partner in that stunning display. He also has good form - having previously set the dancefloor alight at an Aberdeen nightclub.

Gove has endurance and no-one can feel self-conscious about their own moves in his presence so he really takes one for the team.

Strictly Come Dancing has had its fair share of former politicians as contestants so once Gove shuffles out of the political mainstream this is what we think he will do next.

3. Liz Truss

Liz Truss appeared at an LGBT night to cut some shapes last night, the same day that she made an appearance at their unfortunately placed stall at the conference the next day seems great optics.

However, some have criticised her appearance given her stance on self-identification for gender recognition certificates.

In May, she said, following the disbanding of the government’s LGBT+ panel the previous month:

“I very strongly feel as I made clear there need to be checks and balances. I think the issue here is fundamentally a difference of opinion on that issue.”

Despite this, we think she would be the kind of clubber to hold your hair up if you were being sick, get a round of jagerbombs in and encourage you to keep partying if you show signs of tiring. We are sure she would be a great addition to any cheese floor (if you know, you know).

4. Therese Coffey

The Department for Work and Pensions minister has today attracted controversy after footage of her singing the Dirty Dancing hit ‘(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life’ as the cuts to Universal Credit came into force.

This is quite the Pantomime Villain optics and due to her penchant for austerity, we don’t think she would get her fair share of rounds in; we think she would leave early for fear that she wouldn’t be able to WORK HARD the next day; and we are concerned she wouldn’t be a fair tipper.

As for her karaoke, you wouldn’t be forgiven for thinking she is as out of tune as she is out of touch.

5. Jacob Rees-Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg AFP via Getty Images

Since the Moggster wasn’t even allowed entry to the Manchester student bar Revólucion De Cuba also known as Revs, the other night we doubt he has good vibes.

If he had been let in, we suspect he would have been mystified as to why there was no port on the menu and would be revolted at the frivolity and joy in the atmosphere.

He would probably spend more time in the smoking area asking if anyone has a pipe than the dance floor. He would not know a single song playing.

He is, we’re afraid, the Tory MP we would least like to go clubbing with.