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Joe Vesey-Byrne
Nov 29, 2016
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If you're dating anyone who fits this *super scientific* profile, they're 100 per cent cheating on you.
Researchologists at indy100 have compiled information from extra-marital affairs dating websites to create a profile of the perfect cheater.
The most terrible thing to happen to your love life has these characteristics:
Name: 'Nathan' or 'Megan'
Is this the name you call out to your loved one? The one? The only?
Well, a 2014 survey by Gleeden.com found these were most common names on the website for extra-marital affairs.
And when you think about it, it makes total sense. "Nathan". "Megan". Classic cheating names.
Age: 39
This is apparently the 'danger age' when people feel particularly insecure and are twice as likely to cheat, compared to other ages.
It tends to happen in the '9' year of each decade, as a new mile stone slithers its way into view on the horizon.
So watch out for Nathan when he turns 19, 29, 49, 59, 69, 79, 89, and 99 years old. Every decade he's bound to be a lying pieces of nothing.
Researchers at New York University and the University of California found that "9" ages were the most common on dating sites.
Star sign: Capricorn
Nathan and Megan both have their birthday between December 22 and January 20, not that they deserve anything, the deceitful p#*$£s.
Illicit Encounters, a dating site for married or attached persons, showed us 15 of users on their site were Capricorns, the largest group.
Apparently this is because 'Capricorns aren't good communicators', which is absolute rubbish.
These mountain-sea-goat people are simply cruel.
Job: Financial services
Because otherwise that job had a really good rep...
Illicit Encounters found out this shocker, that Megan's chosen career is full of liars like her.
Home town: Beeston
Beeston, Nottinghamshire, UK. The most adulterous town in Britain. Who knew?
Megan chose it because it was 'quiet', all within a stones throw of Attenborough, Ockbrook, Lenton, and Sandiacre.
If you live here in Beeston, then Megan is definitely cheating on you. Your idyllic Beeston life is over.
Forget Beeston. It's just full of hate now.
This hyperbole is based on a 2015 survey which found it to be the most adulterous town in the United Kingdom.
Other alarm bells:
Be particularly wary on 'Unfaithful Friday' November 18, which is the last day that Nathan and Megan can sneak away with their respective lovers. Also once the school year starts again Illicit Encounters sees a spike in membership. So that's heart warming.
Similarly it will happen in the period when the clocks have gone back. 79 per cent of respondents to an Illicit Encounters survey said that it gave them more time to cheat.
If you've got a nanny, Nathan is probably having sex with them. Forty-eight per cent of men cheat with someone close to home, and of that, 25 per cent cheated with the person employed to look after your children.
If Megan's mum cheated, she probably will too. Illicit Encounters found that 71 of women who cheated had mothers who had also cheated on their partners.
True love will out
However, if none of these match up, then you've nothing to fear.
But if even just one of them applies to your significant other, you should just chuck them now. Or, cheat on them first, before they can you.
That will both leave you feeling guilt free, and completely build up your confidence, and your sense of investment in the relationship.
Be a winner. Don't let Nathan/Megan have the upper hand.
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