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Indy100 Staff
Mar 09, 2018
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Whether or not our romantic relationships are worth sticking with are the eternal questions that will plague humanity forever.
But there are some tell-tale signs that a relationship is so bad and so toxic that you should seriously consider just walking away.
1. You're always walking on eggshells
One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner is very controlling, Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix, told Health.com. She explained:
This doesn't always mean physically threatening or violent.
If you are feeling frightened to share your opinions because your partner might lash out, this is a huge red flag.
2. You both keep score
You were rude at their mum's birthday party back in 2008 – and you'll never forget about it because they won't stop reminding you.
People who keep a moral scorecard in relationships use past wrongdoings to justify current immoral behaviour, encouraging endless guilt and blaming each other, rather than fixing existing problems.
3. Your partner wants you all to themselvesÂ
Possessive partners are often overly jealous and controlling, stripping away your independence and trying to control who you spend your time with.Â
It often originates from feelings of insecurity. But over time, you should be able to trust each other.Â
4. You communicate with each other passive aggressivelyÂ
Instead of stating a thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you into doing something.Â
This suggests that you don't feel comfortable with one another, and are scared of judgement or criticism.Â
It's much healthier to state your fears and desires, however intimate, openly.
Telling your partner 'I'm fine' when your clearly not is a not a fine way to communicate.
5. You can't seem to do anything rightÂ
Constant criticism is never a good sign – and if you feel it's more than just innocent teasing, it probably is.
Bonoir told Health.com:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
Some people will defend their partner, and say: "It's all in good fun, that's just how we treat each other.'
But if they're making fun of you over and over again, you're not going to feel valued or accepted for who you really are.
Likewise, if they are highly critical of their past partners, this is a definite red flag. Elinor Greenberg, a psychologist, told The Independent:Â
When people describe all of their exes as terrible people and put all the blame on them for the relationship's failure, this is a red flag for me.
It practically shouts: 'I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work.'
6. Your partner blames you for their own emotions
​Yeah, if you call them a name and it hurts them, you've got to take responsibility.
But if you partner is having a bad day and blame your for not doing anything about it, your partner should learn to communicate with you instead of lashing out.
Your partner expect your entire life to revolve around your emotional wellbeing.Â
7. They don't talk through issues
An unwillingness to talk about problems in the relationship is a tell-tale sign of a toxic relationship.Â
Erika Ettin, a dating coach who founded the dating site A Little Nudge, told The Independent:Â
All couples have disagreements. That's perfectly normal and healthy. But it's how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things.
Does your partner walk away? Shut down? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags.
In a good relationship, a couple can and will talk through issues, listening to the other person's point of view and expressing his or her own. No one needs to win or lose. It's about expressing how something makes you feel and being heard. Communication is key.
More: 10 signs of normal relationships people think are toxic