Creepy Netflix dating show featuring singles in animal costumes and people are disturbed

If you, like everyone else, binge-watched Love is Blind amid quarantine, you may be intrigued to hear that Netflix is coming out with yet another “blind date” themed show. This one, however, is a bit more…unique, in the sense that it resembles a truly terrible psychedelic trip from which you can’t escape.

We can’t believe we’re writing this, but Sexy Beasts, set to premier on Netflix on July 21, features eligible singles dating one another whilst wearing extremely elaborate disguises — via costume and prosthetics — thus testing whether they can truly fall for the other’s “personality” while they resemble the antagonist from Alien. (Indeed, the alien.)

What makes this clip so difficult to watch isn’t how bad it is though, which is often the case which low-brow series best for mindless binging. Instead, Sexy Beasts seemingly depends entirely on the premise that these costumes resemble something straight from a science fiction and/or horror film worthy of an Oscar for Best Makeup — but also our worst nightmares. Really, no amount of writing degrees, classes or even therapy could have possibly prepared us for having to adequately explain what’s going on here.

Netflix posted a promo for the show to its official Twitter account on Wednesday and it’s…something. The clip opens on a panda and bull amid a romantic date at what appears to be a zoo or aquarium, discussing their life plans.

“I wanna get married, I wanna have babies before I’m like, 26,” the panda tells the bull, who sports curly orange hair. “Do you have health insurance?” The bull stares back, blankly. (We think. It’s hard to tell through the prosthetics.)

“Welcome to the strangest blind date ever,” the narrator says, sincerely understating the severity of the circumstances.

Later, a woman, seemingly a troll with blue skin and blue hair, approaches her romantic meeting with a beaver.

“Hey, how you doin’, the beaver asks, looking the troll up and down, appropriately adding — species wise —“Damn!” (They did that on purpose, right?)

Later, the same beaver asserts his preferences in a mate: “Ass first, personality second.”

The rest of the clip is as whacky as the start — a dolphin and alien go bowling, describing what they hope for from their future partners. “For me it’s all about personality,” says the alien. The same dolphin later dates a very convincing scare-crow in a separate scene, who can’t think of what to say, thus complimenting her “fin.”

Finally, we reach the crux of the conflict. “What if I pick you and I’m not what you expect underneath,” the panda asks an alien-adjacent, large-brained being.

Of course, the promo then goes onto reveal that pretty much everyone in the costumes is, in actuality, very conventionally beautiful and thin, so it will surely be a happy ending in some way or another.

We then watch as a baboon and devil kiss and raccoon and owl brew beer, while a series of various animals, ranging from the original panda to the dolphin to the raccoon, face their furry contenders as they have to eliminate the “losers” and make their final choice, choosing their “sexy beast.”

“My sexy beast is…” a voice concludes with a cliffhanger.

People don’t really know what to make of Sexy Beasts, understandably so. Responses range from laughter to questioning whether the human species should — or deserves — to survive. Others are simply afraid, while some want to cancel their Netflix subscriptions.

All we know is we will be tuning in because we emotionally don’t know what to do otherwise. We are frightened.