'30-phobia' is real – doctor reveals how to shift the focus

Reaching 30 is something people should celebrate and embrace – but that isn't the case for many, who are faced with societal pressures to have reached certain milestones by that age.

New research by Card Factory discovered that '30-phobia' is a real thing. They found that milestones including parenthood, marriage and home ownership have now averaged at three years later compared to 20 years ago. In hindsight, 33 is supposedly the new 30.

That said, there is no perfect time to achieve any of the above, if ever. Such expectations shouldn't exist at all and are merely an idea society has drilled into people and an echo from older generations. Just for the record, Carrie Bradshaw was 32 in season one of SATC.

Over on TikTok, Kate Berski (@30_phobia) has dedicated her page to encouraging people to embrace their new chapter.

In one clip, Kate shared how she conducted a study of 1,000 women in the UK and the US and found that 30-phobia peaks at the age of 26.

"At 26 you've still got four years to go, the pressure is still on... you still think you both can and should, be achieving all of these crazy goals". Meanwhile at 29, she suggested the mentality changes to "I've done all that I can" while using an exam hall as an example.

To further address the cultural pressure to reach life landmarks is counsellor Niloufar Esmaeilpour (MSc) from Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre. Niloufar shares three tips for avoiding negative feelings if you’re approaching a milestone:

Shift your focus towards gratitude

"First, be aware and grateful. Focusing on what you have accomplished - no matter how trivial it may appear - and feeling grateful for that can occasionally shift your focus away from what is not there to what is available in life. It could be as simple as creating a list each morning about three things for which you are grateful or meditating on the positives about where you have come from."

Set tailored “bite-sized” goals

"Second is setting practical and tailored goals. Not judging yourself against others, develop a vision board or listing of the goals that reflect your values and aspirations. It’s important to break these goals into little steps and celebrate each accomplishment, however small it may seem. This may help gain momentum and a sense of accomplishment."

Don’t neglect your support network

"Last is getting support and connecting with others. It can be helpful to discuss feelings with friends, family members, or a therapist and gain different perspectives on the matter, in addition to receiving emotional support. Remember - the milestones of one's life are not only about destinations but about growth and experiences on the way. By focusing on personal growth and a support network, people will be able to sail through these highly crucial stages in life more resiliently and confidently."

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