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Love Island has begun. And what a first episode it has been.
Despite a year of social distancing, this year’s girls have been incredibly picky so far. No-one stepped forward to indicate that they fancied Hugo or Toby and other couples were formed without much enthusiasm.
It is a truth universally acknowledged by fans that the first few episodes of Love Island are incredibly boring. British manners prevailing, the contestants are nice to each other for precisely one week before they know each other well enough to behave like primary school bullies.
Nevertheless, we’ve seen enough to make snap judgements which we are sure we will completely rehash every night for the next fickle eight weeks.
This is what we make of this year’s batch of islanders, early doors.
The boys
ITV
Jake
Jake’s defining personality traits, so far, are that he has chest hair and a toe fetish. We have nothing further to add.
Brad
One episode in, we can only say that Brad is an icon. In his opening VT he said he likes to do as little work as possible for as much money (a Marxist King) and three girls stepped forward for him. He did, however, call Faye “the one in the blue”. So our respect could disappear at any minute.
Aaron
Aaron seems relaxed. He picked Shannon, despite her showing absolutely no interest in him, which is a confident albeit problematic move. We’ll watch him carefully.
Hugo
No-one stepped forward for Hugo. This is a shame. However, Hugo looks like the kind of man who would approach a woman in a club with a carpet and ask her if she wants a vodka and cranberry, so perhaps the islanders picked up on this vibe?
Unfortunately, Hugo would then bray in a woman’s ear for around 20 minutes about either property, or his pets. People on social media are comparing him to 2018’s Dr Alex. There is no way this man will win Love Island. But we wish him a pleasant holiday.
Toby
Toby is a semi-professional footballer and we are concerned that the stereotypes that this profession imply will ring true. Other than that, he seems like a laugh who doesn’t take himself that seriously, so he should do well in the villa.
The girls
ITV
Sharon
Sharon is a civil servant and loved telling people about it. She was blunt in her takedown of Hugo, who she is coupled up with and someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind is designed to cause chaos in the villa. J’adore.
Faye
Faye said she didn’t want to couple up with anyone who wears “white jeans” and carried that fussy energy throughout the episode. Brad “might not be her husband” she said, as well as “I’d like to call my dog Hugo.” A shame.
Liberty
Liberty has chaotic neutral energy. She has a slightly nervous vibe that is refreshing compared to the arrogance that permeates the villa. A relatable Queen, we love to see it.
Kaz
Another contestant who we would like to go on a night out with, Kaz seems fun and will probably make as many friends as she does boyfriends.
Shannon
Despite much chatter about her OnlyFans account and stripper father in advance of the series, we haven’t seen much of Shannon so far, although that is perhaps because of her incredibly obvious disdain for Aaron, who she is coupled up with. It is, however, day one. There is all to play for and we will eat up every minute.
Until tomorrow, everyone.
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