Sinead Butler
Apr 09, 2024
Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for 2022 Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Ripple of Hope Gala, Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Disney, and, Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Image
Every relationship has its own dynamic, but there is a new viral dating theory that claims to be the key to a successful partnership - but it this true?
On TikTok, the "black cat and golden retriever" theory has sparked a debate around different relationship tropes and why opposites attract.
‘Black Cat Energy’ has amassed 71.7m views on TikTok, along with the better-known archetype, the Golden Retriever Boyfriend (164.8m views).
Anna Kristina (@annakrstna), a self-described "mindset coach" posted a video on this topic which went viral with more than 6.5m views where she explains that women must become the "black cat" in the relationship because "women are never happy in their relationships and marriages if they end up chasing their man".
“The best dynamic in a relationship if you want it to last is the one where she’s the mysterious femme fatal black cat and he’s the loyal golden retriever," she explained in the video.
"It’s the woman who needs to maintain the mystery, the independence, she serves herself first because the black cat comes and goes as she pleases."
@annakrstna Replying to @Tina Kaur #love #dreamgirl #beauty #relationship #dating #datingadvice #femmefatale #feminineenergy #desire #obsession #darkpsychology #sprinklesprinkle #femininity #psychology #selflove
“This pleases the golden retriever because he sits on the edge of his seat still being intrigued by the black cat, always being interested and entertained because he feels like he never has a hold of her."
Some examples she gives of successful couples with this dynamic include, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz Beckham, Kylie Jenner and Timothee Chalamet, and Rihanna and ASAP Rocky.
If this dynamic is switched around, where the man is the black cat and the woman is the golden retriever, the relationship is ultimately doomed, according to the theory at least.
This is because man is the black cat, he “gets bored” and has “no sexual attraction”.
“It becomes a relationship of convenience and the sex will drive down resulting in him pulling away,” she said. “This dynamic never works.”
Kristina also provides examples of celebrity couples that have not worked out who she believes reflected this dynamic, such as Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, and Rihanna and Drake.
"The new ‘BlackCat Golden Retriever Trend’ follows the rise of the Golden Retriever Boyfriend; a dating archetype which has risen to prominence as a key dating heartthrob," Seeking.com’s dating expert Emma Hathor explained what the trend is all about.
"Much like the beloved dog breed, they’re loyal, supportive, upbeat and a pleasure to be around, whilst Black Cat Energy refers to dark feminine energy in dating, where a woman confidently sets boundaries, communicates assertively, and gives off a mysterious, self-assured attitude, akin to a black cat.
"Typically, those embodying this energy attract affectionate and eager-to-please partners such as the loyal ‘Golden Retriever Boyfriend and will remain well-cared for in their relationships”.
Tom Holland and Zendaya, as well as Barry Keoghan and Sabrina Carpenter, are given as celebrity couple examples by Hathor from this theory.
However, Melbourne psychologist Carly Dobe explained to news.com.au why this dating theory stems from sexism as well as how it fails to include same-sex relationships.
"It is very heteronormative, and it does not leave space for queer relationships or different kinds of relationship configurations,” she said.
“It also further entrenches that most straight males are friendly and outgoing while women are more reserved and difficult to please."
She added: "Comparing women to cats is also another example of sexism.”
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