I only watched the first and last episodes of WandaVision and tried to figure out what was going on

WandaVision, the genre-bending Disney+ series which explores the lives of Wanda ‘Scarlet Witch’ Maximoff and her husband Vision, is Marvel’s latest offering for fans of its cinematic universe – and I have seen precisely none of it.

Make no mistake, though, this is not the first time I’ve come across the wonders of Marvel and all things superhero related. I can tell my Deadshot from my Deadpool, and my Wonder Woman from my WandaVision.

I’ve seen both Infinity War and Endgame, so all I know about this fantasy couple is that Wanda got dusted and brought back after ‘the snap’, and Vision got his forehead nugget (or rather, ‘mind stone’) ripped out of him by a purple-skinned, warmongering titan.

Lovely stuff, really.

With this in mind, it’s no surprise that fans are keen to learn more about the heroes. As the nine-part series unfolded, memes were shared and theories were discussed. 

I don’t have those to hand, however, and instead have rushed notes on the show based on the first and last episodes alone. Now, I must attempt to piece it all together.

Warning: Major spoilers ahead for WandaVision

First and foremost, you’d be forgiven for thinking that they’re episodes from completely separate programmes. While the finale comes in the typical pristine and saturated colours of a Marvel film, stretched out onto a widescreen, its opening is black-and-white and boxed in, with over-the-top canned laughter added in, too. It’s more ChuckleVision than WandaVision. 

With that being said, we learn that Wanda and Vision have just bought a home and are trying to recall why there’s a heart drawn on today’s date in their calendar. It’s an anniversary of sorts, apparently, and it turns out that it’s actually a clever reference to Vision’s boss, Mr Hart, who is coming round for dinner.

A dinner which he later chokes on and Vision has to sort out. They move past it like it was no big deal, Wanda got a helping hand in the kitchen from nosy neighbour Agnes, all is well. Roll credits (literally).

Well, eight unseen episodes later, it appears not. Agnes is now a witch with a frazzled haircut causing Wanda some grief – as if she didn’t have enough of that already.

Of course, I don’t know how Agnes is a witch all of a sudden, nor do I know why. With only the first episode to go on, I can only assume a personal vendetta arose over Wanda messing up the Steak Diane dinner. These things happen, Wanda - it’s an easy mistake to make.

While those two are busy fighting it out, there’s a case of double Vision (sorry), with an all-white version of the superhero intent on wiping out the red robot. Fresh out of Game of Thrones with his White Walker-like appearance, this is clearly a case of good old fan service. And they said Infinity War was the most ambitious crossover event in history...

He isn’t the only new character that has popped up by the time of the series’ finale, either. There are fellow superhumans Monica and Ralph Bohner (yes, that is pronounced exactly as you think it is), this shady FBI boss who’s out to get Wanda, and two children which were born at some point – also with their own blend of powerful abilities.

I’ve concluded this is probably because the housewife drama of episode one had in fact been renewed for several additional series. After a successful pilot episode with Mr Hart’s bizarre dinner, they brought in the children as additional cast members, before rolling out the big guns with a super-spy caper. Ryan Bohner hooked up with Pussy Galore and the FBI are hunting down Wanda for vaporising James Bond, or something.

Fast forward to WandaVision’s conclusion and they’ve branched out into fantasy, with enough of a budget now to film in high definition with all of the special effects one would expect from a Marvel production. After several in-air fight sequences, Wanda and Vision are then left cowering in fear from a haunting red wall – like Jeremy Corbyn at the 2019 election.

Joking aside, as some of the dialogue in the finale suggests, it appears as though Wanda is still not over Vision’s death at the hands of Thanos, and so has created a slightly imperfect world in which to deal with it all.

Basically, it’s clear to me that Wanda needs a lot of therapy.

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