Right-wing commentator and ‘alpha male’ gets offended by oat milk

He insists he is an “alpha male” and “Trump’s favourite author”, but it seems US political commentator Nick Adams can be easily defeated with a morning coffee containing oat milk.

Yes, really.

In a revelation no one asked for on Friday night, Adams tweeted that he was asked earlier that day if he “wanted ‘oat milk’ in my coffee” – the quote marks around “oat milk” doing a good job of telling you where this story is going.

“I informed the girl behind the counter that it’s not physically possible to milk an oat and immediately left the coffee shop.

“I will never return.”

Truly devastating.

Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter

We hate that we have to explain this, but oat milk is made by mixing rolled oats and water together before straining to produce the liquid. Hardly controversial.

Fortunately, many Twitter users agree with us, and thus, his status as an “alpha male” was called into question.

“Thank you for speaking out for us alpha males who are afraid of oat milk,” joked cartoonist Moose Allain, before quipping in another tweet that he stormed out of a shop selling face cream because “you cannot make cream from faces”.

Comedian Sooz Kempner commented: “Congrats on being as edgy as a bad open mic comic in 2015 I guess?”

Another tweeter, named Lucas, was a lot more brutal: “In the case of oat milk – milk is a descriptor of the texture and thickness, not the physical process of creating it. Much like the ‘alpha’ in your case, is a measure of your thickness.

“As in, thick skull.”

Others tagged in the DHOTYA account – that is, the Didn’t Happen of the Year Awards profile, which chronicles anecdotal tweets which sure sound like they didn’t actually happen (pretty self-explanatory, really).

Despite all the mockery, Adams has since doubled down on his oaty opinions, tweeting on Sunday morning that he doesn’t “drink coffee from stores that sell oat, soy or almond milk.”

We can’t help but wonder if he’s milking the ridicule (sorry) for attention at this point.

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.