Wes Streeting's NHS consultation is already being trolled with chaotic policy ideas

The Labour government has invited members of the public to share their policy ideas for the NHS as part of a new 10-year plan for the health service, though the online consultation has also highlighted the dangers of letting the British public weigh in on serious decisions, with a number of ridiculous suggestions popping up on the forum.

Announcing the consultation on Monday (21 October), health and social care secretary Wes Streeting said the NHS is “broken, but not beaten” and that he was calling on the public to “help us fix it”.

“This government is writing a 10-year plan to turn the NHS around but we can’t do this alone,” he said. “We want patients and NHS staff to have your fingerprints all over it.

“Whether you work in the NHS or use it as patients, you see first-hand what’s great but also what isn’t working and we need to hear your experience of the NHS to get your ideas about how to change it.

“It’ll be worth it because if we get this right, then together, we can take the NHS from the worst crisis in its history, get it back on its feet and make it fit for the future.”

The official website for the consultation lists a survey, as well as pages for patients and the NHS workforce to share their experiences – but it’s a page titled ‘your ideas for change’ which has offered up some unusual thoughts from anonymous individuals.

Here’s just a handful of the more silly, outlandish and alarming submissions…

Proposed replacements for health secretary and NHS boss

A number of suggestions float doing away with Streeting and appointing someone else as the government lead on health and social care – from bringing back “our boy” Matt Hancock to giving the job to a dog and making former prime minister Tony Blair the head of NHS England.

“Prescribe lettuce to cure depression caused by Liz Truss”

James Wilcox claims “it would make us all feel better”.

“Turn Buckingham Palace into a hospital”

Another suggestion from Wilcox who said King Charles’ residence is a “very nice location for a hospital”.

“Waffles for every meal”

One individual – who’s chosen the username of ‘Donkey from Shrek’ – writes: “Waffles should be provided free of charge to all patients for every meal as they have multiple proven health benefits.

“Ideally they would be provided to the entire country although this would likely take longer to implement.”

It would certainly beat the waffle we see from some politicians…

“Wetherspoons could partner with the NHS”

And that isn’t the only food suggestion to be submitted to the page as Susan Cross suggests NHS workers should “serve alcohol” with a patient’s meal to “raise moral [sic]”.

TJ Miller has proposed giving “free Monster Energy at secondary school level” while one user known simply as ‘The Goose’ believes we “must give patients and doctors goose eggs” but “not nurses though”.

“Cinema tickets on the NHS”

Steven Smith wrote: “Cinemas need a boost – often empty post-pandemic. We need hospital beds. People like films. People have mental health issues.

“Solution – the NHS rents out empty seats in cinemas so people can watch a film whilst they’re waiting to be seen or under observations. Win win?”

“Replace ambulance sirens with healthy eating advice”

A user named Keith A offered up this idea, but it has already been questioned by others in the comments.

“It would have to be very quick advice considering how fast [an] ambulance goes when it passes by,” writes Carole Scott.

Maurice Mcdonald replied: “We should slow ambulances down then.”

This isn’t the only suggestion to emerge around ambulance drivers as Sara Chambers thinks the NHS should “get the homeless to drive ambulances”.

“Do away with computers”

So much for digitalising the NHS, Stewart Pearson…

“Mandatory volunteering for children in NHS hospitals”

We’re inclined to believe the actual leader of the opposition Rishi Sunak didn’twrite that “most children can’t be bothered to turn up to school these days” and “we might as well force them to do something productive and help their grandparents when they’re sick”.

And here we were thinking decision-makers had learned their lesson from Boaty McBoatface…

Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter

How to join the indy100's free WhatsApp channel

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.