8 extracts from Nadine Dorries' books that are actually real

You might know her as the former culture secretary who loves nothing more than a confrontational broadcast interview and isn't much a fan of the BBC.

Or you might know her as the one-time contestant on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, who chowed down on baked spiders and camel toes in the Australian jungle, as you do.

Or you might know her as the backbench MP who appears to be holding off her resignation to cause the biggest headache for prime minister Rishi Sunak, after she didn't get the peerage she wanted.

But Nadine Dorries is also a published author who has written more than a dozen novels since 2014 and has sold more than 2.5 million copies, according to Head of Zeus, her publisher.

Dorries has written about Irish people living in Liverpool after the Second World War, nurses working in a Liverpool hospital... after the Second World War, and even one about the 19th-century Irish famine.

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Labour MP Dawn Butler has questioned how Dorries has time to write so many books as an MP while others have cheered her on.

So here are eight extracts from her books and - word of warning - some are a little smutty.

"No one in their right mind ever had a bad word to say about a potato."

Well, she's not wrong.

“It was the Irish way. Fists and boots first, words later.”

Gosh.

"He might have been about to have sex for the first time in almost two years, he might have been angry and have lost all reason, but he wasn’t going to spill the Guinness.”

Well, you wouldn't, would you?

"One of our own has been murdered in a graveyard, had his dick hacked off and fed to a cat. We have no idea who did it".

How very vivid.

"Paddy, who was in the middle of a dream, buying the biggest bullock any man had ever seen at the Mayo county show."

Sounds like a great dream.

"She had held his face in her hands and looked deep into his eyes as her own sent him a thousand messages of seduction... with the boldness and skill of a woman ten years her senior, she had guided his hands over her virginal body."

No words.

"Use the letter that Robin wrote to me, that your little harlot stole, and I can tell you this: you will unleash the dogs of war."

Not the dogs of war!

"Charles moved deeper into her and with the rhythm of the waves he lost himself, all he could hear was Ruby sobbing with pleasure beneath him."

Again. No words.

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