Keir Starmer might be making a documentary – this is what we expect it to be like

Keir Starmer is in talks to make a fly on the wall documentary, it has been reported.

According to loose-lipped Labour sources talking to The Times, the party is considering blasting him across our TV screens as an “effective way to broadcast Starmer’s personality to a larger slice of the electorate”, though an official spokesperson has denied it and said there is nothing “in the pipeline”.

Starmer is not doing well in the polls. The most recent local elections were a complete s**t show for him and the party and a recent survey for Redfield and Wilton Strategies showed just 23 per cent approve of the leader.

So he has already agreed to do Piers Morgan’s Life Stories and a documentary about life behind the scenes of opposition may well indeed help people warm to him. Or it could be a complete failure – see Jeremy Corbyn’s VICE doc in 2016, The Outsider, or the sage advice from former Conservative leader William Hague:

Regardless of whether or not the story ends up as just one of those “source says this” storms in a teacup, we thought it was worth considering what a documentary about Starmer would be like. And so here are four scenes we expect to see:

1. Keir Starmer shopping for wallpaper in John Lewis

When people were kicking off about Boris Johnson’s flat refurbishment and his apparent disdain for John Lewis, Starmer showed his cheeky side by getting a photo opp in the department store. While this was likely the idea of a plucky intern, this shows clear and indisputable hints at a personality – the very thing he is hoping to get across to voters. It would be a mistake, therefore, to not milk it for all it is worth.

2. Keir Starmer having banter with Angela Rayner

After speculation that the pair have a fractious relationship – not helped by Starmer removing her from the role of national campaign coordinator after the Hartlepool by-election – it would be great to see the two getting along, presenting a united front and just getting on with the job.

So, perhaps the documentary could show them rolling up their sleeves and indulging in some after work pints together. If that doesn’t appeal, they could do any other Enforced Colleague Bonding Activity, like karaoke (Rayner will sing something by Billy Bragg, Starmer will belt D:Ream’s Things Can Only Get Better - Blair’s campaign song), bowling (Starmer will use the helper ramp), or more bizarre ITV drama recreations. Whatever floats their boats.

3. Keir Starmer in high vis cutting about town

See:

4. Keir Starmer getting kicked out of various pubs

A few weeks ago, Starmer was booted out of a pub by a controversial landlord who had some interesting views on coronavirus. Perhaps there is something in Beer Barred-here appealing to the electorate. Probably not though.

And we are not the only ones to speculate about what the TV show could be like. Here’s a director’s cut of the best memes and reactions to the potential show, which we are sure will draw in millions if not billions of viewers, featuring some inevitable comparisons to political satire show The Thick of It, and some delectable puns:

We remain available to Starmer and any television production company that may or may not need our help.