Count Binface on the Tory leadership contenders: "It's not exactly the Magnificent Seven"

Count Binface, the two-time London mayoral candidate who has defeated the likes of Britain First and Laurence Fox at the ballot box (the latter, he says, was a “TKO” after the Reclaim Party leader failed to fill in a form correctly) clearly cares about people, and we can’t help but wonder if that’s a key part of his appeal as a political figure – that, and the more simple point that he’s a man with a bin on his head.

His agent hasn’t passed on my name, and he’s keen to know it. When I note that he is arguably the most important individual out of the two of us, he quickly interjects: “Not a bit of it, and I’m not just saying that because I need human votes – not at all, not at all – I’m interested in every human being. Every life form I meet in the omniverse is of equal import.”

And 24,000 human beings – more specifically, Londoners – were interested in him back in 2021, putting the Count (real name Jon Harvey) as their first choice in that year’s mayoral election. He brings this up as we discuss proportional representation, a topic which appears to have united both the left and the right, with both the Green Party and Nigel Farage’s Reform UK calling for electoral reform.

“What did they do after [the 2021 vote],” he asks me over Zoom, his background changed to the familiar green benches of the House of Commons. “The b******s in this building here, which I’m squatting in, they very sneakily changed the voting system, without asking the British people. So why can you have an AV [alternative vote] referendum in 2011, but then in 2021 or whatever, they just sneak through a change?

“Did it stop the humans? No, it didn’t, because how many votes did I get in this year’s mayoral election? 24,000. Take that, you political a***holes, I will defeat any system.”

And after standing against Boris Johnson, Britain First, Laurence Fox and even Rishi Sunak (in his seat of Richmond and Northallerton in last month’s general election, coming sixth after the five main political parties with 308 votes), who does Binface have in his sights next?

“Well, I mean, in the most immediate term, I think old Trumpy Trump, don’t you think? At least the Democrats, they’ve given old Joe the heave-ho,” he explains. “He’s dressing it up as if he’s made some wonderful decision for democracy when he had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the Oval Office, but still, he’s a hell of a lot better than Trump, and I’m sure Kamala will as well.”

Indeed, when President Biden wrote on 21 July that he was stepping aside as the Democratic candidate for November’s election as it “is in the best interest of my party and the country”, Binface’s message to the Democrats was clear: “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

As for his policy proposals for the electorate across the pond, he wants to ban convicted criminals from being president, cap pretzels at a dollar (a nod to his croissant-based UK policy equivalent), nationalise Taylor Swift (joining Adele on his nationalisation list) and allow Elon Musk to conquer the moon, so long as “he promises to stay there”.

He also wants “Secret Service officers to be allowed to climb onto sloping roofs” – a reference to the director of the US agency, Kimberley Cheatle, telling ABC News that there was a “safety factor that would be considered” when it comes to putting “somebody up on a sloped roof”.

A little more closer to home – well, for us, at least, seeing as Binface hails from Sigma IX – the Count gave a rather frank, sweary take on the seven Tory MPs reported to have asked 1922 Committee chair Bob Blackman for nomination papers to stand in the Conservative Party leadership election.

Sky News says the politicians believed to have registered an interest are former home secretaries James Cleverly, Suella Braverman and Priti Patel; ex-work and pensions secretary Mel Stride; former business secretary Kemi Badenoch; former immigration minister Robert Jenrick and ex-security minister Tom Tugendhat.

“F***ing hell,” Binface says simply. “I mean, it’s not exactly ‘The Magnificent Seven’, is it? I’ll put it mildly: whoever wins that leadership contest, at worst, will be the next Iain Duncan Smith, and at best, the next Michael Howard. I would say the chances of any of them winning a general election are zero.”

Our conversation comes a day after Tugendhat, considered by many to be a more “centrist” candidate compared to the likes of Badenoch and Braverman, said he would be willing to leave the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR) - and join Russia and Belarus as non-signatories - if it no longer “served the interests of the British people”.

This is despite the Tonbridge MP taking a different stance on the issue while speaking to Times Radio in October.

“Now, people who’ve said they want to leave the convention, I can understand the argument,” he explained to John Pienaar. “It does raise some pretty big questions, whether that’s about the Good Friday Agreement, whether it’s about the devolved administrations, whether it’s about our relationships with other countries, including, in fact, the TCA [Trade and Cooperation Agreement], the Windsor Agreement with the European Union.”

As I ask the Count what he makes of the ECHR debate which continues to be a talking point for the Conservative Party, Binface starts making hand puppet gestures with his tightly gloved fingers.

“Yada, yada, yada, ‘let’s all try and outflank Farage’. Blah, blah, blah,” he says dismissively. “No one cares. The ECHR, the idea of, ‘oh, we don't want to sign up to human rights’. Well, if that's your policy, knock yourselves out, guys.

“I'm an alien, and I care about human rights more than they do, and what does that say? They're on Planet Zanussi, and they could do with applying a bit of science. There's a 1980s reference which you will not understand.”

He assumes correctly.

Only Tugendhat, Cleverly and Jenrick have officially declared at the time of writing, with the final four candidates ‘making their case’ to party members at the Conservative Party Conference at the end of September/start of October.

At that point, Binface will be touring the UK with his Bindependence Day live show – a match-up he says is “pure coincidence”.

“It’s up to the theatregoers to decide where the greater comedy lies,” he says. “I'm on my mayoral victory lap. I'm taking my special brand of sci-fi satire, my own unique history of Britain, my diagnosis of Earth's problems and much more besides. Loads of tales from Sigma IX, my backyard, and the rest of it. You can expect all kinds of fun and games.

He plays down talk of it being a political rally though. “There's no rally as such, because health and safety wouldn't let me drive inside the building, which is a big shame, but apart from that, it's anything a comedy-goer could want, from Earth’s greatest politician.”

With 16 venues all signed up to be visited by the “space politician” in September and October, the Trash Talk podcast host (who wants the likes of Greta Thunberg, Andy Murray, Adele and Brian Blessed on his show – the latter so they can “keep health and Gordon alive”) is looking forward to visiting places he hasn’t yet had the chance to see.

“I do want to see Bath. I've heard great things about the spring [water],” he tells me. “Not that I can drink, very frustrating, being a Recyclon, but I don’t have any straw holes in the old bin. So the spring water sounds lovely, but I can't even taste the bloody stuff, but I'm still excited, and of course, the wonder that is Croydon. You can't get better than the Fairfield Halls, Croydon.

“From what I understand, it's the greatest vendor in the entire omniverse, except for the Sigma IX Leisure Centre, and I'm very excited to be coming to Croydon, that makes me very excited.”

It sounds like an opportunity to scout locations at the same time. “Exactly right,” confirms the Count. “Doubling up with the Class A satire is me doing a little bit of a recce around the nation, to see where might fancy a little bit of Binface, because there’s all these mayors now, aren’t there? All these bloody metro mayors, or whatever. Everybody's gotta have a mayor - even Croydon has got a mayor! Unbelievable.

“So I was like, ‘Well, if the people want a mayor, maybe…’ Because, you know, there's not going to be a general election for a while, so I fancy a little bit of local democracy, so let’s see.”

Count Binface for mayor of Croydon? “You said it, mate,” he replies. “You could be my campaign secretary, but I will say this: do you know how much the deposit for London mayor is? 10 grand, right?

“To stand for Croydon mayor, it’s five grand. What a rip-off! Unbelievable. So if I crowdfunded that, would people want me? Would they? Would they fund that, I’m not so sure. So, you know, it all depends.”

To refer back to what he said to me when I sheepishly tried to put myself down, to that, Binface, I say: not a bit of it.

Croydon, let’s make it happen.

More information about Count Binface’s Bindependence Day tour can be found on his website.

Sign up to our free Indy100 weekly newsletter

How to join the indy100's free WhatsApp channel

Have your say in our news democracy. Click the upvote icon at the top of the page to help raise this article through the indy100 rankings.