WANTED: New Downing Street aides to work for Boris Johnson

Hello folks,

Recently five people have left my team due to unprecedented circumstances and that is all rather sad but we must, like the great Churchill, move onwards and upwards to victory and replace them.

So, I am looking for people who don't mind a bit of politically incorrect banter and who know how to wheel a suitcase or two down to the local shops to join my team and Get Governing Done!

This is an exciting time to join the heart of government when I am putting my foot in it on almost a daily basis and trying to move on from Partygate by f***king up the cost of living crisis.

You will play a central role in finding someone, anyone, please, other than Nadine Dorries to defend me to the media, facilitating my trips to Peppa Pig World and providing key consultancy work on whether I should go with the gold or silver plated toilet in the flat?

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Perks include being allowed to have a jolly with your friends while the rest of the country can't (allegedly) and getting to play on my son's swing.

Salary is jolly competitive - just like the UK's competitive trade with countries outside of the EU –but I’ll have to check it with Rishi.

Weekend and evening work will be required, I’m afraid, but we’ll try and make it as fun as possible.

Remainers need not apply,

Love, Boris ‘Big Dog’ Johnson*

*Not really

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