Trump was 'seemingly in fear' of a laser beam coming out of a magic lamp, according to former employee

As we all know, President Donald Trump is afraid of many things: germs, sharks, the ‘Squad’. And now, it turns out, he is also afraid of lasers.

In a new op-ed in The Scotsman, Professor Joe Goldblatt said his firm worked with Trump in 1990 at the opening of the (now failed) Trump Taj Mahal Resort and Casino in New Jersey.

“Prior to the grand opening, I produced the Taj Mahal staff-welcome event held in the enormous Trump arena. The program included a fashion show displaying the glamorous costumes that staff would soon be wearing and a speech by their owner, Mr Trump,” Goldbatt wrote. “The ribbon would later be cut by laser beams projecting from an enormous Aladdin’s lamp that Donald Trump would rub to summon his inner genie."

Goldblatt apparently told Trump that, “when he entered to always look forward because we would be shooting laser beams over his head and if he looked backward he might be blinded by the strong burning lights.”

However, over the blaring music “Eye of the Tiger”...

A mishap occurred and suddenly the laser beams dropped by a metre and appeared to project through Trump’s midsection. Upon seeing this he immediately dropped to his knees, seemingly in fear of being severed in two by the powerful beams.

Goldbatt said he reassured Trump as he, “looked at me with genuine fear and then rose, walked to the lectern and, though obviously shook up, delivered his usual rant”.

The internet was shocked by the hilarity of the "very weird" story, saying, “This headline escalated rather quickly,” and “I was not expecting that sentence to end that way.”

But as Alex Zalben pointed out, we now know the best way to stop Trump’s antics: “We thought impeachment would stop him, investigations, even voting. But Trump’s one weakness was right in front of us the whole time: laser beams.”

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