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Bethan McKernan
Jan 20, 2016
This one time, in 2008, a god-fearin' gun-totin' America-lovin' woman from Alaska was plucked from relative obscurity and thrust onto the world stage as the Republican vice-presidential nominee.
Now, we can't forget her even when we try.
On Tuesday night, with just two weeks until the caucuses, Sarah Palin was in Iowa to endorse outsider Donald Trump as the 2016 Republican presidential candidate (the two are long time friends, even though she previously backed other candidates in the primary to date).
And this is what it sounded like:
We're not sure what language this is. Our best guesses are 'Alaskan', or perhaps she's fluent in Freedom.
Some of the highlights from the ex-Governor of Alaska's speech include:
Yeah, our leader is a little bit different. He’s a multi-billionaire. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, it’s amazing, he is not elitist at all
He is from the private sector, not a politician, can I get a 'Hallelujah!' He knows the main thing, and he knows how to lead the charge
These establishment candidates, they just wanted to duck and hide... In fact, they’ve been wearing a, this, political correctness kind of like a suicide vest
And you quit footin’ the bill for these nations who are oil-rich, we’re paying for some of their squirmishes that have been going on for centuries. Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ 'Allah Akbar' calling Jihad on each other’s heads for ever and ever. Like I’ve said before, let them duke it out and let Allah sort it out
You ready for a commander-in-chief who will let our warriors do their job and go kick ISIS ass?
Now, finally friends, I want you to try to picture this, it’s a nice thing to picture. Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organise again.
There, he can finally look up, President Obama will be able to look up, and there, over his head, he’ll be able to see that shining, towering, Trump tower. Yes, Barack, he built that, and that says a lot
How ‘bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough?
The oratorical brilliance of that last bit in particular has drawn comparisons to the state of not-very-good-rapper Iggy Azalea's freestyle:
We've said it before and we'll say it again: what a time to be alive.
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