Lesbian couple told to 'sleep with a man' if they want a baby

A GP asked a lesbian couple looking to have children why they did not find a man to sleep with to get pregnant, according to Elissa Hillier and her wife Kaylee.

Elissa, 32, and Kaylee, 35, from Manchester, said they were also asked if they knew that to have a baby they needed "human sperm" during the consultation.

Back in February 2023, the couple had booked an appointment with a GP at the Orient Road Medical Practice in Salford to discuss their options.

The GP's advice left the couple feeling "scared, disappointed and upset", and they then decided to go private having done three rounds of fertility treatment which failed.

Now, the couple are doing IVF, and have started a fundraiser to help cover their costs, with their total spent on treatments being around £15,000 so far.

To document their fertility journey, the couple have also launched a podcast called NoMoreMen.

“We went in really excited thinking this was the start of our journey and that we were going to be having a baby,” said Elissa, who works part-time as a careers advisor and in retail whilst studying English and creative writing at the University of Bolton.

“When we left, we just sat in the car in silence and were like ‘Did that actually just happen?'”

During the consultation, they said the male GP asked: “You do know that you need a man to have a baby?”

They were also asked: “You do know that it needs to be human sperm?”

“Then he just stared at us for a bit and was like ‘Why don’t you just go out and find a man to sleep with?'” added Elissa.

The GP offered to put them on a “three year” waiting list for a fertility appointment with the NHS.

“He gave no explanation about what that would entail and basically said ‘I don’t really know how to help you or why you are here’,” said Kaylee, a Senior Studio Director for BBC radio operations.

“All he said was, ‘I’m going to put your name on this list and you’ll get a call’.

“He wasn’t being rude or mean, you could tell that he was genuinely just trying to understand,” added Elissa.

“He did suggest a number of times, ‘why don’t you just go find a man?’ and we kept reiterating that I don’t want my wife going off and sleeping with someone else.”

The consultation was so shocking that the pair could not "believe this was really happening", to the point that they wondered if they were being pranked on a TV show.

Even when the pair attended a fertility webinar with the Care Fertility clinic in Manchester, they said the focus was primarily on IVF and male fertility issues.

“There was only one slide which said ‘We can help same sex couples’ and it was a picture of two men,” said Elissa.

“It just really put us off the whole thing,” added Kaylee.

Eventually, the couple found fertility treatment in Denmark, and after having a one-to-one chat with a nurse they felt more supported.

“She explained everything in a very low-key natural way, step-by-step,” said Elissa.

“After our experience, we were almost worried about being a same sex couple on this call, but she didn’t even blink.”

The couple decided on IUI as it was £3,000 cheaper than IVF which costs upwards of £5,000. But, unfortunately, the couple's three attempts so far have been unsuccessful.

After finding a clinic closer to home - CREATE Fertility clinic - the couple decided to try IVF, with the clinic offering them a discount.

Elissa is currently going through her first cycle and they will find out whether it has been successful in the next few weeks.

“We’re hoping for Kaylee to have a baby after I’ve had one,” said Elissa.

“Hopefully sharing our story will help other people figure out what they can do,” added Kaylee.

“Every donation we’ve had so far, it doesn’t matter how much, we’ve been so humbled.

“You don’t feel like you deserve it and it feels like a privilege that someone would donate to us and help us have a family.”

You can find out more about Kaylee and Elissa's experience follow @NoMoreMenPod on Twitter/X.

Indy100 has reached out to the Care Fertility clinic for comment.

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