If you have a penis never, ever, ever do this

Ladies and gentlemen: remember to stay safe when engaging in bedroom antics.

One 28-year-old South African man got a little too carried away with his wife, and put his wedding ring on his penis.

When questioned at Van Velden Hospital, Tzaneen, Limpopo, the man said he did it four hours previously on his friend’s recommendation.

His penis became erect and the wedding ring got stuck, rendering his member ‘severally swollen and blue’ as the ring constricted the middle section.

The case report by doctors A Fhima and N Lahouel appeared in the South African Medical Journal.

It explains that the patient was in severe pain, and was taken to the casualty theatre immediately upon arriving with his mother.

Attempts to remove the ring by sedating the patient with ketamine failed because of excessive swelling. Doctors then attempted to remove the ring with an oscillating saw, but failed because the ring was too wide and thick.

Finally, the doctors injected ‘puncture aspirations’ that eventually reduced the swelling enough to remove the ring.

The patient was treated with antibiotics and he made a full recovery within three days,.

Moral of the story? Your wedding ring belongs on your finger.

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