People are translating ridiculous corporate speak and it’s hilarious

“I’m a little confused...”

“As per my last email...”

“I’ll let you two take it from here...”

Recognise any of these? If you’ve spent more than five minutes in an office environment, almost certainly. These phrases are from a strange and often confusing language known as ‘corporate speak’.

For the non-fluent in the corporate tongue, receiving a message like “I just wanted to follow up,” might appear a polite and perfectly neutral enquiry.

However, if you’re familiar with the language, you actually know it means “WHERE IS THIS THING I ASKED FOR, YOU FORGOT, DIDN’T YOU?!”

Well, thanks to Twitter, now everyone will be able to understand the real, extremely passive aggressive meaning, behind popular corporate catchphrases.

Culture writer Delia Paunescu kicked things off, with a tweet expressing her recent obsession with the bizarre world of corporate speak.

Her favourite phrase? “I’m a little confused”. According to Paunescu it’s not actually a perfectly reasonable way to ask for clarification. It really represents “absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry”.

She then asked Twitter to provide their top “gibberish” work phrases. And boy did it deliver.

There was the reminder that everyone’s pretty busy, actually.

The wish of one worker to be removed from the narrative.

The “well I am literally getting paid to do this”.

The ultimate “you haven’t read sh*t” response.

And some less well-known jargon that is so innovative and elegant, we have to applaud.

Honestly, what an education in the repressed rage bestowed upon us by being forced to work from nine to five for 40 hours a week.

Have Oxford Dictionary thought about monetising this? Maybe we should send a little email...