Comedian marks decade at the Fringe with award for best joke

Comedian Mark Simmons has said he is “really chuffed” after one of his jokes was named the funniest of the Fringe – a decade on from his first appearance at the event.

Television channel U&Dave on Monday announced the winner of its 15th Funniest Joke Of The Fringe award – for which 15 jokes were shortlisted.

Simmons won the award with his gag: “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.”

Some of the leading comedy critics and comedians in the UK were on the judging panel for the award, which celebrates “the art of joke writing” and making people laugh.

Panellists attended hundreds of shows during the Fringe, listening out for jokes which make them laugh, then submitted their 10 favourites in an anonymous shortlist to prevent any bias towards household names.

A public vote involving 2,000 people was then held, with Simmons voted the winner.

The joke, taken from his PHB’s Free Fringe show at Liquid Room Annexe, won 40% of the vote.

It came a decade after Simmons first performed at the Fringe as a solo act, when his friend convinced him to do an open mic night.

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it

Mark Simmons's winning joke

Since then, his gags have placed 9th, 6th and 2nd in the joke award at the Fringe – and this year he had a second joke on the shortlist as well as the winning gag.

Simmons said: “I’m really chuffed to win U&Dave’s Funniest Joke Of The Fringe. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.”

He is debuting his show More Jokes at Liquid Rooms Annexe until August 24, and he is currently also performing a 200-date tour.

Previous winners of the award include Lorna Rose-Treen, Masai Graham, Ken Cheng, Olaf Falafel, Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

Cherie Hall, U&Dave channel director, said: “We are ecstatic to announce this year’s winner, Mark Simmons, and his winning joke.

“This year’s list features a hilarious blend of jokes that are sure to keep us laughing until the next Joke Of The Fringe.

“With the Joke Of The Fringe now in its 15th year, U&Dave is still committed to supporting great comedy and brilliant gags.”

U&Dave’s Top 15 Funniest Jokes Of The Fringe 2024 were:

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it – Mark Simmons

2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back – Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful – Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it – Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it – Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres”, which, I think, speaks volumes – Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it – Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had – Zoe Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati – Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’ – Sarah Keyworth

12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard – Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply – Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher – Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people – Olga Koch.