How to avoid being a Scrooge and ruining Christmas for others, according to an etiquette expert

The excitement for the big Christmas family reunion has officially begun. But for others, there's a sense of dread creeping in as they brace for what's to come.

Will aunt Janet overdo it with the wine and trauma dump? Will a forgotten family feud come to the surface? Will grandma once again question your career choices? And let's not forget the conspiracy theorist cousin ready to share their latest 'discovery' no one asked for.

Every year, there’s that one person who seems to leave their filter – and sometimes their manners – at the door. But why does this happen?

Psychologists say the "Christmas-ruiner" often thrives on narcissism, a desperate need for attention, and a resistance to social norms. Put a narcissist in a room full of relatives they haven't seen in a year, and it’s a recipe for drama.

Behavioural Scientist, Clarissa Silva, told Indy100 that "narcissists have inflated egos and are more likely to compare themselves to their relatives during this time of year”. This can essentially create "toxic insecurity" during Christmas time, which can result in certain individuals "dismissing anything that disempowers their narrative."

Over on Reddit, people have shared some of the best bittersweet Christmas moments. One user’s mum got “belligerently drunk and locked herself in the closet” for the day.

For another, it wasn’t a person who ruined the big day. Their “b*****d dog” broke off his leash and “took off for parts unknown” during Christmas dinner.

Another shared an awkward encounter that was bound to let hell loose. "My aunt asked me why I was gay,” they said, “so, I asked her why three of her kids have different last names.”

Jo Bryant has worked at Debrett’s, the arbiters of British etiquette, for more than 10 years and has edited 15 books on etiquette and modern manners. Now, the etiquette tutor, editor, writer and media spokesperson is lending her expertise to Indy100 on not being that person who ruins Christmas.

Be generous

“If you are a guest, be sure to check in with your host to see what you can bring, over and above the expected Christmas presents. Even if they insist that there is no need, don’t turn up empty-handed.”

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Offer to help, and be helpful

“Think about what’s useful – preparing the sprouts or clearing the table is probably a better idea than advising your host on roasting times and stuffing recipes.”

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Keep conversation light

“Christmas lunch is not the time to take a strong political stance or express extreme opinions. If things start to get tense, lighten the mood by changing the subject or injecting some humour, rather than sparking more debate.”

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Be flexible

“Christmas can throw normal life off schedule for a couple of days, especially if other people’s house rules and timescales come into play. Relax and try to go with the flow, rather than forcing children’s routines or your own regimes into the mix.”

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All in all, just have a great Christmas – and don’t be that person!

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