12 things we learnt from a survivor of Anders Breivik's Utøya massacre

Right-wing extremist Anders Breivik murdered 77 people in twin attacks on Norway three years ago today. First he planted a car bomb in the capital Norway before travelling to Utøya where he massacred 69 teenagers at a summer camp.

Survivor Jarl Riskjell Gjerde was just 17 at the time of the attack on Utøya. Three years on, he did an AMA ('ask me anything') on Reddit, inviting users to ask him about the attack. Here’s what we learnt:

1. When he realised he was being attacked, he felt ‘pure adrenaline’

I blurted "Oh s**t", and my body got fuelled with, yes, pure adrenaline. It was all about survival, I jumped out the window and rushed down a hill that was very steep (when I came back next month, I had no clue how I managed to rush down that hill without breaking my neck). So my reflexes were, so to say, awesome. I was in a panic and probably had no limits to what I could've done... When Breivik came I wasn't scared, but rather impatient on him taking so long killing me.

When I went past the group of dead bodies, everything went very fast, faster than I've ever experienced anything - suddenly I was on the rescue boat.

2. He doesn’t feel guilty about surviving:

Many people have felt guilt about surviving, but I've never felt that. I was very lucky to partake in saving a life, and having a man die in my arms, having him not die alone, has actually been kind of an honour for me, in a way. He wasn't alone. I've always told myself that "things might've turned a little bit worse if I wasn't there", to help myself get over it.

3. He doesn’t like the way the media report tragedies:

I wish there was more focus on mental health, as there are still many suffering from the incident. I can't even imagine what the numbers must be when taking similar tragedies into account. Are there many memorials to commemorate tragedies like these in the US? They've spent millions on memorials here. There should've been a greater coverage on how the government uses millions on useless stones, instead of helping those who need it.

4. He doesn’t feel like a hero:

I used to detest being called a hero. "I'm no hero! What I did was on instinct, anyone could've gotten in my situation! It was random! I'm no better than any other people on that island!"

But lately I've been starting to accept it for the better. It's a compliment, people mean well and respect when they call me a hero. I don't consider myself one, but it's nice having people saying I am. I have no reason to resent it.

5. He has gone back to Utøya:

I have returned twice, and it was very surreal. One of the hills I ran down was so steep, I have no idea how I even managed to get down in the first place. And there was a particular place in the forest with a skate ramp... yes, there was a huge deteriorating skate ramp in the middle of the forest. It was completely wiped from my memory. I don't ever remember walking past it, but I know I did. That was very weird.

It was also strange to see all the locations where my friends had died. I'm glad I got to. Returning to the island was mostly surreal, but I have no need to be there again. At this writing moment some friends of mine are over there visiting.

6. He believes the police hid during the attack:

The police on the mainland hid behind some containers in fear of being shot (what, there was like 3-400 meters from the island to the mainland, come on!!). Most of the officers didn't dare to do anything.

7. He feels the survivors were not well taken care of:

You'd be surprised how 'badly' we were taken care of. We, the survivors got the chance to go to this meeting every 2-3 weeks for like 6 months. We got pizza and talked about our feelings. It was nice when we did that, but 6 months wasn't enough for many of us, and the meetings just weren't frequent enough… We didn't get nearly enough help as we needed, we actually had to pay for psychiatrists when we turned 18 (which was under a year after what happened).

8. He doesn’t have nightmares:

I've only had one or two nightmares, and I think it was last year. The dream I remember was me being in the trial watching what happened. Suddenly all the lights turned off, and I heard a terrible shriek. I woke up with my heart slamming like crazy, but otherwise I've never had any nightmares because of what happened.

9. Breivik smiled at his friend during the massacre

I didn't see him, but I've heard many stories of his facial expressions. One of my close friends actually saw him up close. Breivik looked at him and smiled, and then went and shot at a larger group of people. My friend was damn lucky. Other reports are saying that he smiled, laughed and yelled. Other said he had a blank face. It probably varied quite a lot.

10. He doesn’t think Breivik should have been declared sane

I saw most of the trial, that guy is a f**king loony. One thing that bothered me was that the whole trial eventually turned into a stride in on whether he was sane or insane. By declaring him sane, they made him into a martyr. Because of that more people support him than they would if he had been declared insane.

11. But he doesn’t think he should have been killed

I'd love them to kill him. I absolutely want people like him to get executed. But they shouldn't. If he was to be killed, it should've been on the island. Or give him the choice in prison. It is very hard to answer. I want him to be killed, but no one should kill him.

12. This is how he thinks we can pay tribute to those who lost their lives in Norway three years ago today:

Show respect for your fellow human. Help those in need, and be a good friend.