11 jokes only grammar nerds will understand

1.

I will literally DIE if you don't stop using hyperboles incorrectly

2.

I before e... except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour

3.

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

4.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

5.

Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar

6.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

7.

Q: What is Grammar?
A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

8.

The exclamation mark said to the period "Why aren't you bleeding?"

9.

Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar Nazi?
A: There, Their, They're

10.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day... “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

11.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of the paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

A previous version of this article was published on indy100 and reproduced for technical reasons.

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