Therapist breaks down why being ghosted is so painful

Being ghosted happens more than you'd think, and in today's world of dating, it has often been normalized as just being part of the game—but that doesn't make it any less painful.

If you're lucky enough to have never heard of ghosting, it's when someone you've been speaking to romantically suddenly cuts all communication without a warning or explanation. The recent discourse on West Elm Caleb on TikTok is one example.

Some people don't even really realize that it's happening to them with a new partner until it's too late.

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It's damaging to our self-esteem when we're not given the closure we need (and frankly, deserve) to let go of a love interest properly. It's especially painful when you've had multiple dates with this person only for it to end abruptly.

Despite the phenomenon online with many encouraging those who have experienced this to brush it off in the name of you deserve better, it's simply not that easy.

Recently Darcy Sterling, a New York City-based therapist and host of E! network's "Famously Single," spoke to Insider and broke down why it's so painful, and how to move on.

"When someone gets ghosted, they can feel like they were disposable or even just a placeholder. Since there is no conversation happening with the other person, they are stuck wondering and assuming why they would ghost you," Sterling told the outlet.

If a person has been burned before in dating, it can spike their insecurities when they are ghosted.

"It can lead someone down a rabbit hole of questioning their own worth," Sterling said.

An important thing to note, however, is that it is and will never be your fault when someone ghosts you, regardless of the persistent little voice in the back of your mind telling you that it is.

According to Sterling, people often use ghosting as an out that will spare people's feelings because of the assumption that being honest and straight-up about their feelings will hurt more than if they simply disappeared on their own. But that's not the case.

"At the end of the day, it's actually not the person's feelings someone is trying to safeguard by ghosting them. It's their own discomfort. There's no bypassing discomfort when you're dealing with relationships," Sterling said.

To rebound from your ghost, Sterling shared it is important to focus on speaking with loved ones you trust and focus on your personal growth.

"You do not need an apology to heal," she said.

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