January found to be the most popular month for divorce in the UK

It's the first month of 2024, and January has a reputation of being the gloomiest time of the year which perhaps isn't helped given that it sees the highest peak in divorces.

Currently, the UK divorce rate currently at 42 per cent and it’s predicted that upwards of 100,000 marriages could come to an end in 2024.

(Although not the most uplifting of stats, it also means we or someone we know has gone through this process).

Examples of high-profile celebrity divorces in the past year include Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez, Britney Spears and Sam Asghari, along with Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner, to name just a few.

"Couples are faced with much uncertainty when considering a divorce or separation,"Co-founder of amicable, relationship expert and host of The Divorce Podcast, Kate Daly said.

She noted how "many questions are led by fear," as demonstrated by the top questions about divorce which ranged from how long the process takes, to how possessions and money are divided, and what will happen to the children.

1. How to divorce
2. How long does divorce take
3. How to apply for divorce
4. How much does divorce cost
5. What is a final order / conditional order consent order (Legal terminology explained)
6. Should I divorce my husband?
7. Who gets custody of a child in divorce?
8. How long do you have to be separated before divorce is automatic?

Currently, the UK divorce rate stands at 42 per centiStockphoto by Getty Images

She added: "Instead, our vision is to transform the way people end relationships in a kinder and better way and to help couples avoid the emotional and financial turmoil of traditional solicitor approaches."

With her expertise, Daly has shared the top questions couples should be asking themselves when considering a separation.

Is it really over?

"Set time aside, with limited distractions, to think about this. Are your needs currently being met and will your partner ever be able to? Bring your partner into this conversation, the key objective here is to identify whether change is possible and if one of you is leaning in, while the other is leaning out.

"If you decide that your relationship can be salvaged, think about what has worked in the past or what you could try in the future. Individual and joint therapy or couples counselling are fantastic ways to repair an unhealthy relationship."

Can you agree to separate even if that means reluctantly?

"Relationship breakdown is a process and involves a see-saw of feelings and emotions. It can be tricky to know how you really feel or when you have passed the point of no return.

"Give yourself deadlines and if you’re sure it’s over, you need to communicate this with your partner. Even if you’re on different pages, being in agreement to separate will mean you are more likely to be able to cooperate in deciding how to divide any money and property and make arrangements for your children if you have them."

What process will help you to separate in an amicable way?

"Choosing an adversarial process will not only be emotionally draining but expensive too. Carefully consider how much of the process you can do yourself, as well as areas where professional help could bring short-term and long-term value.

"At amicable, our Divorce Specialists help couples negotiate a fair financial agreement and make arrangements for their children.

"There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to divorce, but there are processes that reduce conflict and the negative impact on you and your family."

How will you continue to parent your children?

"If you have children, prioritising their wellbeing is key. Creating a plan, often called a parenting plan, is a great way to document how you will co-parent post-separation.

"Rather than thinking about ‘Who gets custody of the child in a divorce?’ think about, ‘how can we be the best parents that we can be following our separation’.

"Custody doesn’t exist in England & Wales and is an unhelpful and damaging way of looking at it. Put yourself in your children's shoes and think about the quality of time with them, rather than the quantity."

Where will you both live?

"Having a roof over your head after you separate is crucial. Some choose to continue living together, often this is out of financial necessity.

"Having open communication, basic rules and boundaries, can make this period smoother. Another option is to live with extended family. Often we see one person move back in with their parents for a time, whilst they organise alternative housing."

What’s in your pot?

"Get your ducks in a row and work out what you have together and individually. This includes any money, property, inheritance, pensions, businesses and so on.

"Using your divorce as an opportunity to get clued up on your finances is not only helpful but essential, as you will need to decide how to divide these fairly, prioritising the interests of any children."

We often hear of trends relating to dating and romance but Daly has also pointed to current divorce trends we're seeing today which include "No-fault Divorce," and "Quiet breakups," here is what they mean:

No-fault Divorce

"Since the legalisation of No-fault Divorce in 2022, people no longer have to choose one of five reasons for their divorce. On one hand, this has resulted in more divorces as people can end a relationship simply for falling out of love, however, it has also abolished the ‘blame game’ that so often happens in the breakdown of a marriage allowing couples to divorce amicably, together - rather than one person divorcing the other.

"Changing attitudes towards divorce, coupled with higher life expectancies, means people are no longer expected to stay in one relationship for their entire adult life - especially if it’s not serving them anymore.

"Going back just 10 or 20 years ago, it’s not shocking to hear that someone is getting divorced and, with nearly 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce, it’s vital that people know how to do it amicably."

Quiet breakups

"A trend currently on the rise is quiet break-ups, a newer version of conscious uncoupling. A quiet break-up is when couples do not discuss the ending of their relationship with family or friends.

"Someone who’s famously done this is Meryl Streep and her husband [Don Gummer] who recently revealed they have been quietly separated for six years.

Meryl Streep and Don Gummer are an example of a celebrity couple who went through a quiet-break up.Photo credit should read VALERIE MACON/AFP via Getty Images

"Quiet break-ups allow the individual, or couple to process and unpack the events without taking on other people's opinions or horror stories.

"With so much of our lives shown on social media, the breakdown of a relationship is one time where people can have control over what people do and don’t know. We are in an age where protecting your mental health is crucial, and I see quiet break-ups as an extension of this"

Things to consider before tying the knot

"Getting married can be a very exciting time," Daly said but also acknowledged that walking down the aisle is a "big decision," and noted the importance of being "thoughtful and prepared" before taking the plunge.

Here are some things you should consider before you tie the knot:

• The basics: Do you share the same values, and beliefs about life, family, religion and money? These fundamental principles can significantly improve your long-term plans. Just because you are aligned now, it’s worth checking you are both reaching for the same goals out of this relationship and to have regular check-ins with your partner.
• Communication: Open and constructive communication is the key to relationship success. Can you communicate openly and honestly with each other? Express your needs and feelings effectively, and listen to your partner without judgement? Can you approach issues constructively and find solutions that work for both of you? Healthy conflict resolution skills are vital for a thriving relationship. You’re doing this together and communicating your feelings that are coming up will only bring you closer together.
• Financial compatibility: Get comfortable discussing money openly. Our attitudes towards money vary significantly and are influenced by our families, communities and cultures as well as past experiences. So it’s normal for couples to not see eye to eye when it comes to finances. However, it’s important to understand where each other is coming from, your priorities and preferences, so you can make informed decisions about joint financial commitments.
• Intimacy: Physical intimacy in a relationship means more than just sex. This a breakdown of everything from holding hands, hugs even the way you look at each other. It's a broad spectrum of physical and emotional expressions of love, affection, and connection that strengthen the bond between partners. Align on your expectations and desires, a simple thing like letting your partner know you want to be kissed every night before you go to sleep can stop an awkward argument later down the line.

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