The five secrets to marriage: how Gen Z can prepare for life long partners

It may feel like Gen Z is too young to get married but the oldest members of the generation are hitting their mid-20s which means some of those major adult decisions, like choosing a life-long partner, are approaching .

Whether or not people in Gen Z choose to get married is up for debate. Emerging evidence suggests Gen Z is waiting longer to get married or opting-out of marriage entirely.

This is because Gen Z tends to make extremely calculate decisions with their life, despite having the reputation for being silly and carefree.

Having grown up in the Great Recession and Covid-19 pandemic, many people in Gen Z want to make smart financial decisions to set themselves up for success later on, this means delaying marriage until they feel secure in their career.

So for the generation that seems to make more calculated decisions, how can they make the best choice when choosing a lifelong partner? We spoke to Ana Gabriel Mann and John David Mann, authors of The Go-Giver Marriage, to find out.

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The Go-Giver Marriage features five secrets to a successful marriage or long-term relationship: Appreciate, Attend, Allow, Believe, and Grow.

With 40 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist, Ana is an expert on the behaviours we exhibit and how to fix them. John is a New York Times bestselling author who has written 30 books including co-authoring the Go Giver series.

The two, having been together for 25 years, wanted to collaborate on a project that would help others better their marriage or prepare for a long-term commitment using their professional and personal experiences.

Each of the five secrets is told through a parable and then explained in further detail how it may work. The book also gives readers real-life exercises to implement into their life.

"What we sought to do with the book was to give people practical, little, simple things to do every day, kind of like an exercise routine," John says.

Appreciate tells people to extend sincere 'thank you's' to their partner for everything they may do from doing chores to being intelligent. Allow gives a list of ways to put trust into your partner both physically and emotionally.

But for young people, the biggest takeaway from Ana and John is to understanding how your childhood wounds impacted you before jumping into a serious relationship.

"Marriage can be a great platform for healing but it's even better if people can actually do the work, become self-aware, and get some coaching or therapy in their twenties and really use the five secrets as a template for how to be in relationships with people in general." Ana says.

Becoming self-aware and understanding one's needs is part of the Grow secret. John says a person should wait until they become self-aware to jump into a marriage, no matter how long or short amount of time that takes.

"If you try to build intimacy with another person before getting whole on your own, all your relationship become an attempt to complete yourself," Ana added.

Mental health awareness plays a major role in Gen Z's approach to life. They're 27 per cent more likely to report having 'fair' or 'poor' mental health than previous generations and 37 per cent more likely to report seeking treatment. (American Psychological Association)

So for those thinking of taking the next step in their relationship, it's important to reflect upon themselves and seek advice from professionals.

"To change a marriage you have to change yourself and when you hold an attitude of generosity and giving, it changes the tone of how you bring yourself to the relationship" Ana says.

For more information on The Go Giver Marriage you can visit their website.

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