‘Fexting’ is the biggest relationship trend to avoid in 2023

Couples could already be following a problematic relationship trend and not even realise it.

A dating expert has spoken about “fexting”, or fighting over text, and the damaging impact of arguing in message form.

AASECT–certified sex therapist Martha Tara Lee, PhD, spoke to Cosmopolitan about the impact that the habit could be having on relationships.

“Fighting over text in a romantic relationship can look like a back-and-forth exchange of angry or hurtful messages,” Lee said, explaining that it can involve anything from putting blame on a partner or conveying negative emotions.

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It’s a pretty broad definition, but essentially it includes everything that encapsulates “an angry tone”, with content that would be expressed in raised voices if it were playing out in real life.

It’s not just a case of arguing over text, either. Fellow AASECT-certified sex therapist Jenni Skyler, PhD, also explained that it can take the form of someone ignoring their partner and choosing not to engage at all despite having their phone on them.

There are, though, some good things that fexting can bring. Lee said that communicating via text allows “the ability to take time to think about what you want to say before responding”.

Skyler acknowledges that sometimes arguing is an inevitable part of life, and when it does happen it should be face to face rather than on the phone.

“Fights are very vulnerable,” Skyler said. “No one wants to be in them. Defaulting to text is the easy way out, and can be the result of cowardice.”

Sklyer also said that arguing over the phone is “making it harder for yourself because so much is lost in translation.”

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