The Daily Mail just asked everyone to leave Kate Middleton alone

Leave the Duchess of Cambridge alone, Daily Mail columnist Amanda Platell asked today.

Kate is a "harried mother-of-two with a high-profile job who gave birth only six months ago — and has to cope with the unbelievable pressures of her role as well as the global adulation that goes with it," Platell wrote, seemingly oblivious that her own article points out that Kate is:

• too thin for a new mum
• going grey
• wears too much eyeliner

The haters are everywhere, Platell writes:

How critically they scour her elegant hair up-do for rogue silvery strands, her forehead for telltale whispery creases.

Yet such spite is as nothing compared to the way her post-partum body is held up to public scrutiny.

Every time she leaves her home, computer keyboards across the globe tap in unison, critically dissecting her 33-year-old woman’s body.

But Platell appears to have forgotten practically everything else she's ever written about Kate Middleton, both before and after she officially joined the royal family.

Of course, the columnist herself has never criticised Kate Middleton's hair.

Is it just me or has something rather strange happened to Kate recently?

It’s not her whittled-down waist. Nor is it her fashion sense... I’m wondering if now, a year on from her wedding, it might just be time for the chop.

Of course there is another obvious reason why Kate may be reluctant to give up her signature style. Subliminally, long hair is a woman’s way of clinging on to her youth.

Or her weight.

Your normally healthy, lithe and athletic body — the one that captured the Prince’s eye... has almost disappeared, along with your curves.

Or what she wears.

Oh no, Kate. Not again. How my heart sank when I saw the Duchess has had yet another embarrassing wardrobe malfunction... How mortifying for any woman to be pictured in such an unedifying way.

I couldn’t help but think that surely Kate could have tried a little harder to keep her modesty under wraps? As a relatively seasoned member of the Royal Family, isn’t it time she made more of an effort to cover up?

Or her parenting skills.

[Kate and Wills] started off saying there was to be no nanny, for example, as they would be hands-on (they are now employing one full-time).

Which makes it all the more disappointing that this apparently ‘ordinary’ young couple have decided to jet off to the Maldives on a second honeymoon, leaving behind baby George just eight months after his birth.

And while Platell is now telling everyone else to back off, she freely admits that she's been told off by Clarence House for writing savage things about William's "idle girlfriend" in the past.

It’s true that I had been critical of her in a number of articles I had written.

I had called her lazy, and said that by the time Diana was Waity’s age, she’d headed an infant death charity and changed the world’s attitudes towards HIV Aids sufferers. What on earth does she do all day?’ I wrote of William’s ‘idle girlfriend’.

We might be through the looking glass, people.

More: Another 'royal baby' was born this weekend. Her name is Francesca Marina